Thursday, June 2, 2016

new at "One Man's Quest To Find The Perfect Batch of Mac and Cheese In NYC"

(I first read this cautionary tale last week at Colored Boy and Friends: Mental Health Edition in New York City with the help of Bondfire Radio’s Tasty Keish.)


Alex is seated on a designer high stool from Tarjé at a marble counter in a tidy kitchen (with clean baseboards, thank you very much) that appears to also serve as a plantain warehouse. A mid-sized plate piled high with ravaged chicken bones rests at his right. At his left: collard green-scented candles and a flute of the finest red Kool-aid. Luxury, ho. Trillville’s “Some Cut” plays softly in the background.

I love food the way Donald Trump loves the applause his anus-mouthed ramblings elicit from his loyal, unmoisturized flock of Fuckboy Franks and Dumpsterheart Debbies. My devotion to food mirrors the potential Dickhead-In-Chief’s passion for masking his stage four melanin envy with his special brand of short-dicked xenophobia — the pestilent, rabid kind that convinces me that if reverse racism were real, more often than not, it should probably look and feel like a baseball bat to the motherfucking face because fair is fair.

My gluttonous reputation is internationally known, pleighboy. I get DMs with the raunchiest recipes instead of sexytime offerings. The people of Internetland tag me in food-related posts — “Alex, have you seen this nine-tier red velvet Oreo wedding cake/chicken castle/solid gold nacho situation?” or “This cheesecake eating contest/30-pound burger/chicken wing festival reminded me of you, Alex!” — day pon day via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, text and carrier pigeon. So while I relish any opportunity for midday calorie-fueled wet dreams, I’m never not hungry or plotting my next meal(s). Y’all are such enablers.

Read the rest over at

Previous musings on food: "I Went To Memphis For A Screening of Underground and Here Is What I Ate," also via VerySmartBrothas

In the meantime, follow my Instgram account dedicated to my foodie exploits:

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