Published Elsewhere: "How To Be Kelly Rowland"

Last week, after experiencing Kelly Rowland's latest musical effort, I dug up and dove into a piece I began about two months ago. "How To Be Kelly Rowland" was born out of frustration with and admiration for the struggling Destiny's Child  member. When initially came to me, I'd just seen the video for "Motivation," a pop radio-friendly song that was technically her fourth single from the album. While the success of the single was undeniable, I knew in my heart that it would be short-lived. And that, as usual, she'd be unable to duplicate the move that won her streak of praise. The album itself, while containing a handful of enjoyable songs (less than half) was ultimately what could have easily been some new R&B hussy's debut project. No-name rappers, generic Eurotrash beats, the occasional soaring gem plucked from a pile of shit, and so on. Overall, a letdown, not surprisingly. So, I went to work, from a place of love, mind you. It was published on Soulbounce. Naturally, the feedback was pretty varied. I'll attribute a fraction of it to some of them not being familiar with my humor. And, sure, depending on the reader's temperament or how often they're getting sex, some parts could possibly maybe somehow kinda be seen as harsh. Clearly I don't a) wish ill upon her or b) wish I had her life. Most hilarious of all is that I was accused of being "the kind of guy that gets drunk and disrespects women in the club." If he only knew. The dust has settled. I still stand by my original statements. It's lifeless and lukewarm at best...even if I now adore three songs.

Note: After publishing, I realized a line I had left out regarding her Jay Leno performance: Refuse to use a prerecorded live track despite...the obvious.



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